What exactly is going on in my head?
Nobody would know until and unless I communicate it either through my actions or my words. Even if I communicate it, not everyone will be able to understand what I meant. The possibilities will depend on how effectively I do it or how clearly the other person understands. And they say, "Action speaks louder than words," but words are the only medium with which you can communicate most effectively. Actions are more prone to be misunderstood. They are likely to cause risk if the foundation is clear that communication isn't clear enough.
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The reason we can hold the best or worst of relations with people depends on our usage of words and how we marinate them with our efforts. And 'relation' here can be of any type. The success is based, not just on our physical exertions, but also our verbal cues.
One of the courses in my last semester required me to read a couple of books and share my learning. Yes, over the past years, I transitioned from reading fairy tales to drowning deep into self-help books. So, I eagerly picked up the book 'Fierce Conversations' by Susan Scott.
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I thoroughly enjoyed the aspects of communication. But this book helped me clear the dust around it. The book explained the idea of being fierce and how one can travel a significant part of the road to success with just "one conversation at a time." Usage of unambiguous words and intentions to share our thoughts, needs or desires can take us a long way. Every single conversation we strike contributes towards building or destroying the relationships we have in our lives, be it of any kind.
“While no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of a career, a company, a relationship, or a life, any single conversation can.” - Susan Scott
The book has seven principles, and each one of them has anecdotes to elaborate on them. The first one is about field testing before we jump in it to play.
Principle 1- "Master the courage to Interrogate Reality"
The reality is not stable. Sadly, We can never stabilize it. Like it or not, you have to accept it the way it is. It has a constantly shifting nature. Susan wrote, "As individuals, we are stressed either because we don't have enough of the things we want or because we have all of the things we want. We are either shedding or acquiring, either way; happiness eludes us." It is quite a powerful statement. She, therefore, introduced two theories to understand and analyze reality better and deal with it in the best possible way.
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Beach Ball Approach - When we interact with someone, be it at work or in our personal lives, and are faced with a situation, how do we react? Do we use the tried and tested method? Or does the most experienced person have a significant say? Do we 'inform' everyone, or do we 'explain' them? Do we 'hear' what they have to say, or do we 'listen'? It was regarding a group of people involved in a case. On an individual level, do we know what we think we know? Do we see everything from just our perspective or all the angles? Are we assuming or is every piece of information in our mind is real?
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Consider this example; when you hold an actual beach ball, you are facing one particular colour of one side of the ball. But that is not the whole of it. The ball has more sides to it, and each different colour of each side comes together to form a complete ball. In both scenarios, the breakdown of the situation is similar. Whatever the case may be, it is essential to scrutinize the issue with much greater emphasis on each aspect and viewpoint of each individual and then respond thoughtfully. Beach ball theory is all about covering all the sides of a problem or situation in general. The approach focuses on collecting all the information with regards to the challenge and accepting and facing reality.
It explains that every opinion and length of experience, whether personal or professional, requires a beach ball approach. Seeing one side makes it look incomplete. Everything expands beyond our vision. The most unguided approach to solving an issue is believing that the older methods or tried methods are correct or going with "my way or the highway."
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And as they say, “incomplete knowledge is injurious to health”, the beach ball theory well explains it. It is essential, as a leader, or even if we are not leading any situation, to have a thorough knowledge of the situation and value the thoughts of the parties involved. The process must be free of any bias, assumptions or preconceived notions. It involves accepting the reality from every possible direction.
The relationship of the theory with leadership- A good leader listens and digs more into the matter by asking questions. They have a burning curiosity. And once they get involved in a situation, they ensure that they learn every bit of it and understand it well. They welcome the opinions of their team members and use it with the best of judgement.
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Mineral Rights - The second approach explained by Susan Scott in the book was the "Mineral Rights" approach. Many questions aren't easy to ask someone else or our selves and answer them. The method involves breaking every part of the issue and measuring the impact of it on our lives and companies. For example, if in your company, two of your best employees indulge in unhealthy competition, what would you do? And before you do something, how does it concern you? What is the impact of their fight on your life? How badly are you affected? The model has a template for us to maintain the synchronicity towards problem-solving.
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Naming the issue- The most critical step towards the solution is to call the subject and understand the importance of it today.
Clarifying the issue- It is essential to understand the scale of the damage in order to calculate the time and efforts needed to solve it.
Determining the current impact- One of the most critical steps is understanding everything better. In what way are the things impacting us? Is it affecting an individual or a group of people? How do you exactly feel when you realize the effect of the situation on the people? The results of it for us and others are essential to weigh the issue better.
Determining the future implications- Some situations are temporary, but others have an ongoing long term impact. We must specify the type of situation we are facing and its lifeline. After figuring out the time period, we must examine the future implications of it in every possible way.
Examining the personal contribution towards the situation- Are we responsible for a particular action or outcome? This step focuses on the individual contribution towards the problem.
Describing the ideal outcome- Outcome has a different meaning for each bearer. This step involves analyzing the impact of it on each individual involved. What will our typical emotions be when the conflict is resolved?
Committing to action- Next would be determining the potent step towards resolution, the barriers to it and deciding when to take that action.
The weight of each step would vary based on the problems we encounter, but the approach remains the same. So, next time, if you wish to avoid the existence of a problem, say it out loud what you think or feel and then understand every perspective to come to a solution.